Wednesday, September 14, 2005
Friday, September 09, 2005
Salvation is Here
I picked myself up the new Hillsongs CD last Tuesday when it came out (if you know me...you know that I have like 30 Hillsongs discs...ya, I'm nuts-notice how I have never disputed that fact and maybe, just maybe am kind of proud of it...) Anyway, yesterday when I was driving home after dropping Grace off at pre-school the words of the song, "Salvation is Here" hit me...needless to say, I have had it on repeat ever since...I am waiting for Ethan to say mommy, haven't we heard this song already???
'Cause I know my God saved the day
And I know His word never fails
And I know God made a way for me
Salvation is here
salvation is here and He lives in me
Salvation is here
I guess what struck me is the truth that salvation IS here..not was here not is to come, but present tense "is here" as in right now...and as an added bonus...He lives in me! Let's look at how salvation is defined...(I have officially joined the 'cool' kid's group that use dictionary.com) Salvation is preservation or deliverance from destruction, difficulty, or evil; deliverance from the power or penalty of sin; redemption. So it hit me like and 18 wheeler truck...Jesus' death and resurrection delivered (resuce from bondage or danger) me from the penalty of sin. What does that mean to me? Well, I was thinking God hates sin...I have sinned...there are definitely consequences...BUT the wrath and judgment I deserve was already taken by Jesus on the cross....I have known so much of this stuff my whole life, but it has never touched my heart. The word of God has never been alive to me...so, I am on a journey...God is very, very, very slowly revealing himself to me. He knows that if he made alive in my heart everything I know with my head, I may explode and shatter into a million pieces...and no one wants to clean that up!!
I was reading my bible. Haven't been sure where to begin (cause I haven't read it in so long), so I have started with the Psalms and then I randomly picked Ephesians. When I hit Eph 1:17-19, I really felt a tug on my heart to pray it out loud for myself...
Eph 1:17 I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give me the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that I may know Him better. 18 I pray also that the eyes of my heart may be enlightened in order that I may know the hope to which he has called me, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, 19 and his incomparably great power for us who believe.
I have embarked on this journey...I still feel like I am walking around the base of the mountain...not sure where to begin. So, I climb a little...find out that that isn't the best way, start over...but then I realize...I am not at all back where I started, but I have gained some ground. It is slow going, sometimes I have to stop and set up camp for a few days to deal with certain things and have them heal before I can move on...no one ever said that it would be easy...unfortunately, I cant take a helicopter to the top. I can only believe that when I reach the top I will be a new person...most likely I will be bruised and sore, but never the less victorious...
'Cause I know my God saved the day
And I know His word never fails
And I know God made a way for me
Salvation is here
salvation is here and He lives in me
Salvation is here
I guess what struck me is the truth that salvation IS here..not was here not is to come, but present tense "is here" as in right now...and as an added bonus...He lives in me! Let's look at how salvation is defined...(I have officially joined the 'cool' kid's group that use dictionary.com) Salvation is preservation or deliverance from destruction, difficulty, or evil; deliverance from the power or penalty of sin; redemption. So it hit me like and 18 wheeler truck...Jesus' death and resurrection delivered (resuce from bondage or danger) me from the penalty of sin. What does that mean to me? Well, I was thinking God hates sin...I have sinned...there are definitely consequences...BUT the wrath and judgment I deserve was already taken by Jesus on the cross....I have known so much of this stuff my whole life, but it has never touched my heart. The word of God has never been alive to me...so, I am on a journey...God is very, very, very slowly revealing himself to me. He knows that if he made alive in my heart everything I know with my head, I may explode and shatter into a million pieces...and no one wants to clean that up!!
I was reading my bible. Haven't been sure where to begin (cause I haven't read it in so long), so I have started with the Psalms and then I randomly picked Ephesians. When I hit Eph 1:17-19, I really felt a tug on my heart to pray it out loud for myself...
Eph 1:17 I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give me the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that I may know Him better. 18 I pray also that the eyes of my heart may be enlightened in order that I may know the hope to which he has called me, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, 19 and his incomparably great power for us who believe.
I have embarked on this journey...I still feel like I am walking around the base of the mountain...not sure where to begin. So, I climb a little...find out that that isn't the best way, start over...but then I realize...I am not at all back where I started, but I have gained some ground. It is slow going, sometimes I have to stop and set up camp for a few days to deal with certain things and have them heal before I can move on...no one ever said that it would be easy...unfortunately, I cant take a helicopter to the top. I can only believe that when I reach the top I will be a new person...most likely I will be bruised and sore, but never the less victorious...
Tuesday, September 06, 2005
I'm so sorry...
O.K....I am not...really. Seriously, if you are going to put on the costume and allow me to take a picture...you can't possibly believe that I won't include it in my blog! Now, Let me bring you all up to speed...we had a wonderful relaxing weekend which included eating out a lot with my in-laws...seriously today began back to healthy eating and regular exercise or I may be double the person by Christmas (Alright, it isn't quite that bad...but I like dramatics!) Usually I don't start 'new' plans on Tuesdays....only on Mondays (quirky, I know...but it just doesn't feel right not starting at the beginning of the week) but seeing as Monday was a holiday, Tuesday becomes the "new Monday". Anyway, on Sunday night we had the privilege of having Blaine and Anne over for a game of Settlers and some dessert. Blaine won our little game of Settlers and so we named him Lord of Catan. The title came with an outfit that he all too willingly put on...and as you can see, he had no qualms about posing for the camera! Funny stuff...oh, I so had the desire to e-mail this one in time for staff meeting at the church this morning! Last night John and Charmaine invited us over for a lovely dinner. It was so yummy! Played more games, of course, but had to come home a little early as Ethan started kindergarten today and Gracie had her first morning of pre-school so they had to be in bed by 9. I feel so grown up and old...my kids being in school and all.
Friday, September 02, 2005
And the New Working Girl is...
...ME...I, Jenn Barnstable, am a soon-to-be working woman. I have acquired a job at the Professional Institute of Massage Therapy. I will work 3 evenings a week (Wed, Thurse, Fri) 3-9. It is a fabulous job that I absolutely love...you may be wondering how I know this...well, I worked there back in 2002. I have front desk admin duties (which we all know I am fairly capable at...I mean really, is there a reason to ask the multi-tasking organizational skills of a stay-at-home mom who has a fetish for cleanliness and organization all the while taking care of (herding may be a better word choice) my nutso kids?...they really get it from Tim...no seriously!! Just ask him about the game "Bum Darts"....also ask Regan Klammer (his cousin) of his psychotic control freak habits as a child. My only hope is that Ethan is so much like Ronnie was as a child and he turned out kindof good, right?? Anyway, back to the job...I also help the students with questions and ask them questions while they are with patients. So, I need to brush up on my testing skills and anatomy skills...students like teachers with skills. Basically I get to do all the things I love without ever taxing my own body by giving a massage. Yay! PLUS, they pay super well...seriously, it is more than I had hoped for. God likes to bless me...strange creator of the universe He is. Anyway, you all (the ones that live here) should come in sometime...it is only 16 bucks for a 45 minute treatment. You do have to book ahead as they book up fairly quickly. The rooms are all separate...it is very professional. I am very excited to have my own wage. First things first...I kindof have to pay off my Visa as I have been using it a little too often these days...that may take until the end of October...YIKES!! Bad Jenn...then, I have found an Asian Buffet (boys, a buffet is a long dresser like piece of furniture that goes in your dining room to store nice dishes and the like...impress you wives with that info one day!!) at Urban Barn that I have liked for 2 years...I WANT IT!! There is also a very attractive bamboo mirror that would look positively wonderful above it. Yes, I will finally finish my kitchen. It has been my nemesis for 2 years now....I will rise above and conquer it!! Then...I am going to save so that Tim and I can go to Las Vegas is February. It will be fun feeling like I am treating us. I look forward to that trip, babe! Also, I am going to see Alison after Christmas...it is time...we have talked about it for 3 years now. I am going to put my $$ where my mouth is (literally) and go see her and Leon, of course. Get ready guys....it will be a fun weekend (we will go shopping, right?) Which brings me to my last point...with a little extra money, I may have the sporadic inclination to purchase a little extra clothing. Hey, if I can't have my 2006 Mitsubishi Eclipse in Sunset pearlessant, 6-speed, with 18" wheels, a Rockford Stereo (with a sub in the trunk), white leather seats with Orange suede accents and orange stitching throughout....then I can buy a few shirts from the G-A-P....and maybe 1 from Ultimo on 3rd, right??!!
Sidenote: This morning after Tim left I saw on the stove that he had layed out the words "I love you" in Alphabits...Firstly, I am appalled that we have Alphabits in the house. Secondly...isn't that sweet? Sometimes I am not sure why that man loves me so much...I am one lucky lady....
Till next time...
Sidenote: This morning after Tim left I saw on the stove that he had layed out the words "I love you" in Alphabits...Firstly, I am appalled that we have Alphabits in the house. Secondly...isn't that sweet? Sometimes I am not sure why that man loves me so much...I am one lucky lady....Till next time...
Wednesday, August 31, 2005
Change
Hello everyone! Well, as of last night, I left summer in the dust. Summer 2005 is one that I will remember for a lifetime...yet would just as much like to have it erased from the strands of time. I was going to wait for September 1st...but it seemed like the appropriate time to do it, soooo....I am a red head again. (Alison, I will be waiting patiently by my mailbox for my 'red-head' manual hee hee) I have been going through a tonne of change and it seemed like a really great act of symbolism....Now, I know that some of you are thinking, "holy crap...what the heck is she talking about....Jenn has never needed a REASON to change her hair color and for all intents and purposes may be addicted to it". To you I say, "it's true, it's true"!! BUT there has been a lot going on in the past couple of weeks. Tim loves it...it's funny cause I think that it is more than just the different hair color he loves...it symbolizes some really amazing changes going on in our lives.
Hmmm, where to begin. How about with the word change. How does one change? Do you just wake up one morning and say, "today, I will be different." That can be done...I have done it many times. This time, though, it involves a lot more than that. I have lived in a world of pretending. Maybe through some of these blogs, you may actually get to know me...I am kind of in that process myself. Don't worry...I am pretty sure that I am still a fun party planning dramatic extrovert who loves to do silly things and take pictures of weird people and things, and wants to possibly start a large fire one day (right Regan and Jon? hee hee hee) I just know that there is more to me than that. If you read my blog on being numb...it is so true. I don't really feel anything...that doesn't mean that I don't know in my head that I should, but that foot between my head and heart haven't been connected in years. I read a quote just yesterday that has stuck with me and probably always will. It said, "The first great enemy to lasting change is the propensity to turn our eyes away from the wound and pretend things are fine. The work of restoration cannot begin until a problem is fully faced. "
So, I have decided that the best path to being the woman that God made and intended for me to be is through the valley of the shadow of death-I know that sounds dramatic (never promised that I wouldn't be dramatic, did I??)...but it is true. Up until this point in my life...my soul has been icy, hidden, never truly allowing it to be exposed to God, any person around me, or even myself. But in the last couple of weeks I have turned down a path of healing...but it does come with a price. I have done things I am not proud of. I am sure we all have. I feel shame... C.S. Lewis said, "If you accept it (shame)-if you drink the cup to the bottom-you will find it very nourishing; but try to do anything else with it and it scalds ( you know how hot tea will burn your hand, but you can still drink it?...kind of like that)....it can bring perspective and relief. If used any other way (than bringing it to God while fully accepting it) it will destroy you. James 4:9-10 tells me that Legitimate shame always leads to a sense of being lifted up by God to possess what is surprising, unnerving, and undeserved. So, here I am. A disaster of a person with a glimmer of hope. You know how they say that the most beautiful butterflies are the ugliest caterpillars? I m hoping that that is what will happen in my life. I have been ugly, fake, hurtful...really rotting away from the inside out. But now that I am facing the dead rotting tissue and letting God cut it out and heal me, (gross, I know...but I would love to be a paramedic... I like injury and blood and all of that icky stuff) I hope that what emerges is a most exquisite butterfly that touches everyone around her with the joy of her Lord.
All of this may sound so weird and depressing to some of you...maybe even too personal...but for the very first time in my life, I want people to know me. I have hope. I have hope for true joy, hope for real healing, hope of forgiveness, and hope to be an amazing unstoppable woman of God (that Tim sees...but I don't quite yet.) Love you all so much. Promise that I'll intersperse these crazy serious blogs with some of my quirky definitions or more "Mysteries of the Universe-SOLVED" If you are so lost (meaning you have never read my blog before)...scroll down. Until next time...
Hmmm, where to begin. How about with the word change. How does one change? Do you just wake up one morning and say, "today, I will be different." That can be done...I have done it many times. This time, though, it involves a lot more than that. I have lived in a world of pretending. Maybe through some of these blogs, you may actually get to know me...I am kind of in that process myself. Don't worry...I am pretty sure that I am still a fun party planning dramatic extrovert who loves to do silly things and take pictures of weird people and things, and wants to possibly start a large fire one day (right Regan and Jon? hee hee hee) I just know that there is more to me than that. If you read my blog on being numb...it is so true. I don't really feel anything...that doesn't mean that I don't know in my head that I should, but that foot between my head and heart haven't been connected in years. I read a quote just yesterday that has stuck with me and probably always will. It said, "The first great enemy to lasting change is the propensity to turn our eyes away from the wound and pretend things are fine. The work of restoration cannot begin until a problem is fully faced. "
So, I have decided that the best path to being the woman that God made and intended for me to be is through the valley of the shadow of death-I know that sounds dramatic (never promised that I wouldn't be dramatic, did I??)...but it is true. Up until this point in my life...my soul has been icy, hidden, never truly allowing it to be exposed to God, any person around me, or even myself. But in the last couple of weeks I have turned down a path of healing...but it does come with a price. I have done things I am not proud of. I am sure we all have. I feel shame... C.S. Lewis said, "If you accept it (shame)-if you drink the cup to the bottom-you will find it very nourishing; but try to do anything else with it and it scalds ( you know how hot tea will burn your hand, but you can still drink it?...kind of like that)....it can bring perspective and relief. If used any other way (than bringing it to God while fully accepting it) it will destroy you. James 4:9-10 tells me that Legitimate shame always leads to a sense of being lifted up by God to possess what is surprising, unnerving, and undeserved. So, here I am. A disaster of a person with a glimmer of hope. You know how they say that the most beautiful butterflies are the ugliest caterpillars? I m hoping that that is what will happen in my life. I have been ugly, fake, hurtful...really rotting away from the inside out. But now that I am facing the dead rotting tissue and letting God cut it out and heal me, (gross, I know...but I would love to be a paramedic... I like injury and blood and all of that icky stuff) I hope that what emerges is a most exquisite butterfly that touches everyone around her with the joy of her Lord.
All of this may sound so weird and depressing to some of you...maybe even too personal...but for the very first time in my life, I want people to know me. I have hope. I have hope for true joy, hope for real healing, hope of forgiveness, and hope to be an amazing unstoppable woman of God (that Tim sees...but I don't quite yet.) Love you all so much. Promise that I'll intersperse these crazy serious blogs with some of my quirky definitions or more "Mysteries of the Universe-SOLVED" If you are so lost (meaning you have never read my blog before)...scroll down. Until next time...
Thursday, August 25, 2005
Explanation
The title of my blog almost makes me chuckle...how true some things can be. I will be back to being a faithful blogger by September...just need some time off right now. Here is a quote that has impacted my life...ponder it.
"Play out, in full, the consequences of you choices" (preferably BEFORE you make the choices)
I love reading all of your blogs and I promise that I will be back soon.
J
"Play out, in full, the consequences of you choices" (preferably BEFORE you make the choices)
I love reading all of your blogs and I promise that I will be back soon.
J
Monday, August 08, 2005
Estevan
The past week was a BLAST!! Our first day was spent, yep, you guessed it...boating. Love it...although, I must be getting old cause I seriously feel like I have been hit by a cement truck. Most of my muscular pain comes from tubing....you can't have fun unless you leave with whiplash...my bro-in-law kept me laughing hysterically with quotes from "Anchorman", while trying my best to hold on ....we may have possibly kindof sorta mooned the people's in the boat too (no, there is no way that I would post that pic...yes, Tim snapped one...lovely) Tuesday, we did some shopping. I am sure I have told you all of the wicked awesome deals that I find when I come here...this time was no disappointment...I have acquired 3 new shirts and a pair of pants for $35! They have a new board shop here in Estevan that I discovered today. It rules! I could easily drop 500 bucks there. Thursday and Friday were boating days...the weather cooperated splendidly. Saturday was Burke's (Tim's middle brother) wedding day. It was beautiful and fun and 35 degrees with no wind....we all wanted to be on the boat (Burke was the only one that got to do that...you'll see in the pictures!!) Jamie, his new wife (whom I actually graduated high school with) has a 6 year old girl...so it is great getting an "instant" cousin for the kids!! Jamie and Kalie are great additions to the Barnstable clan. It was a truly beautiful day....kind of neat seeing a side to Burke that we don't often get to see (he had us all tearing up cause he was tearing) We had so much fun this week, it was actually hard to leave...wish we could have had a couple more days there...yes, I know that you are all in shock as I don't usually talk about Estevan like it is the place to be, but you know, in summer...it RULES...especially if you like water sports....any of you are welcome to come down with us anytime!! :)
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